What to Do When Your Child Resists Going to School

Published On: July 13th, 2026

Many children have days when they resist going to school. However, when it becomes a pattern, it can cause real problems. School avoidance affects 2 to 5% of children each year, typically between the ages of 5–6 and 10–11. This is when most children are transitioning into kindergarten and middle school, which makes sense.

School avoidance manifests as frequent resistance around going to school, causing delays, tardiness, and/or chronic absenteeism. It's easy to assume your child's resistance is the result of undesired behavior or stubbornness, but school refusal is typically based in anxiety and fear. Here are some signs that your child is experiencing school avoidance, versus developmentally typical resistance to attending school.

Your child reports unexplained physical symptoms like headaches or stomachaches before or after school

Your child cries, has tantrums, or tries to hide before school

Your child begs and pleads with you not to go to school

Your child demonstrates high levels of anxiety about going to school

Your child struggles with separating from you and getting out of the car at school

Your child frequently requests to be picked up from school

Your child has a habit of leaving school early, spending excessive time visiting the nurse, or attempting to communicate frequently throughout the day

If left unaddressed, school avoidance can escalate to chronic absenteeism, and eventually, truancy. While a few days of school missed are not concerning, school avoidance is – here's what you can do about it.

What to Do When Your Child Avoids Going to School

There are three steps you need to take when your child is hesitant to go to school. We'll walk you through each one, but here's the overview:

Listen to your child and take them seriously
Try supportive tactics to reduce refusals
Seek support if refusal continues

Let's start at the beginning!

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1. Listen to your child and take them seriously

Physical Symptoms

If your child is complaining about stomachaches and pains, take them seriously – even if you think it might be related to school avoidance. Take them to their pediatrician to evaluate them and address symptoms. Their pediatrician may also have advice on school avoidance and how to support your child through it in a developmentally appropriate way. It can also be helpful to connect with the school nurse and inform them of your child’s symptoms.

Bullying Concerns

If you’re concerned that your child is anxious about a specific situation at school, like bullying, don’t interrogate them about it—create a space that feels safe for them to share with you. You can try telling brief stories about times you experienced bullying in casual conversation, to normalize talking about it. You can also try asking them open-ended questions like “Who did you sit with at lunch today?” or “What was the hardest part of your day?” to get a sense of what their daily routine is like at school and who they’re spending time with.

School Struggles

Sometimes, school avoidance occurs because the environment or schedule at school doesn’t work for them. This is often the case for children struggling with mental health issues, such as anxiety, depression, autism, ADHD, or dyslexia. These conditions can make school more stressful and overstimulating, particularly if they are not yet diagnosed. If you suspect your child may be dealing with a mental health condition and needing support, check out our parent’s guide on how to find mental health care for your child.

2. Try supportive tactics to reduce refusals

Here are some things that can make it easier for your child to reduce their anxiety about school, based on what they find the most challenging.

Is arriving to school difficult?	Are things overwhelming or confusing?
Coordinate with the school counselor to see if additional resources are available to help with school drop off. You can also see if your child’s teacher can assign your child a “special morning job” to complete when they get to the classroom. This will help your child feel needed but doesn’t require extra supervision from their busy teacher. Designate a safe space where they can sit at the start of the day. If their school has a quiet or sensory room, this is a good spot, but even just letting them have some transition time in your car once you’re at the school can be helpful. See if their school can accommodate a flexible start time, to try and take the pressure off your child of needing to be there at a certain time. Coordinate with the school counselor to create a buddy system, where your child can have another child meet them at the school entrance and walk to class with them.	Coordinate with your child’s teacher and ask for their daily schedule. Create a visual timetable with their school day schedule so they can see a clear structure. Ask their teacher if they can have this schedule taped to their desk or in their seating area. You can also do this in the form of index cards with visuals and images that show their schedule, laid out as “this, then that” so they can see their day in order. If your child is old enough to read, see if their teachers can have written instructions for tasks, if your child struggles to process instructions without seeing them. Work with your child’s teacher to develop verbal or nonverbal transitional cues to prompt your child for upcoming transitions.

Is arriving to school difficult?

Are things overwhelming or confusing?

Coordinate with the school counselor to see if additional resources are available to help with school drop off. You can also see if your child’s teacher can assign your child a “special morning job” to complete when they get to the classroom. This will help your child feel needed but doesn’t require extra supervision from their busy teacher.
Designate a safe space where they can sit at the start of the day. If their school has a quiet or sensory room, this is a good spot, but even just letting them have some transition time in your car once you’re at the school can be helpful.

See if their school can accommodate a flexible start time, to try and take the pressure off your child of needing to be there at a certain time.

Coordinate with the school counselor to create a buddy system, where your child can have another child meet them at the school entrance and walk to class with them.

Coordinate with your child’s teacher and ask for their daily schedule. Create a visual timetable with their school day schedule so they can see a clear structure. Ask their teacher if they can have this schedule taped to their desk or in their seating area.
You can also do this in the form of index cards with visuals and images that show their schedule, laid out as “this, then that” so they can see their day in order.
If your child is old enough to read, see if their teachers can have written instructions for tasks, if your child struggles to process instructions without seeing them.
Work with your child’s teacher to develop verbal or nonverbal transitional cues to prompt your child for upcoming transitions.

Is your child anxious/uncomfortable during the school day?	Is your child feeling isolated or finding friendships at school difficult?
See if your child has a friend they can buddy up with throughout the school day to help them feel more confident. Identify if your child’s school has a safe space or sensory room that your child can retreat to if they’re feeling anxious. Their school counselor is a great person to collaborate with to see if this kind of space is available. Ask if your child has regular breaks for movement scheduled throughout their learning day. If not, work with the teacher to establish opportunities for movement throughout the child’s day.	Encourage your child to get involved in after-school activities and clubs, where they can spend time with their peers. Make a concerted effort to connect with other parents and schedule playdates after school. Help your child practice their social skills by roleplaying situations with their peers at home.

Is your child anxious/uncomfortable during the school day?

Is your child feeling isolated or finding friendships at school difficult?

See if your child has a friend they can buddy up with throughout the school day to help them feel more confident.
Identify if your child’s school has a safe space or sensory room that your child can retreat to if they’re feeling anxious. Their school counselor is a great person to collaborate with to see if this kind of space is available.
Ask if your child has regular breaks for movement scheduled throughout their learning day. If not, work with the teacher to establish opportunities for movement throughout the child’s day.

Encourage your child to get involved in after-school activities and clubs, where they can spend time with their peers.
Make a concerted effort to connect with other parents and schedule playdates after school.
Help your child practice their social skills by roleplaying situations with their peers at home.

No matter what your child is struggling with, here are some general strategies to support a child experiencing school avoidance.

Have a morning routine with a visual schedule that guides your child through the steps of getting dressed, having breakfast, and packing their bag. Having one big step of "get to school" is much more intimidating than smaller steps broken up.

Build coping skills into your child's before and after school routine. Maybe you work with them to make a sensory box full of items that are comforting or soothing, or schedule fifteen minutes of quiet time before the busy day ahead.

Encourage your child to spend time relaxing after school. If they struggle to take a break from their anxiety, it may be helpful to build this relaxation into their routine as part of their schedule. Keeping a visual "menu" of things they can do to relax can be helpful as well!

Recognize their achievements, even if they might seem small. Getting out of bed at the right time, completing their homework, and turning in an assignment are all opportunities to express how impressed you are with your child.

Encourage daily reflection by asking your child to share "Highs and Lows" about their day. This will give the child an opportunity to share the best and worst parts of their day with you. Join in with your own opportunity to share your day with your child so it becomes an anticipated and treasured shared practice.

3. Seek support if school avoidance continues

If you’ve tried different strategies and your child is still struggling with school avoidance, it’s time to request external support. Here are three types of support in this situation – your child’s pediatrician, their school, and therapy. Here’s how each of them can help!

Your Child’s Pediatrician: Your child’s pediatrician is knowledgeable about what’s developmentally appropriate for their age. They can offer advice on managing school avoidance, and they can contact VMAP on your behalf to get advice on your child’s care and/or connect you with VMAP’s care navigation services.
Your Child’s School: If you think it would be helpful to seek school accommodations for your child’s challenges, you’ll need to request that your child be evaluated to determine their eligibility for a 504 plan or an Individualized Education Plan (IEP). To do this, you’ll need to contact the Director of Special Education for your child’s school district and include your child’s teacher and principal on the communication. You can find your school district’s Director of Special Education here! If you’re not sure what the letter should say, check out this IEP letter template.
A Child Therapist: Even if your child is eligible for a 504 plan or an IEP, they can still benefit from getting the support of a therapist who specializes in children’s mental health. Your child’s therapist will be able to work closely with you and your child’s school to make sure they are feeling supported. Here’s our guide on how to find a mental health specialist for your child!